One of my worst dates ever went downhill over a kiss. It was in the early ’90s, and we were waiting for a table at a crowded restaurant in New York City’s West Village. To pass the time, we started making out while sitting on a stoop separating the smoking and non-smoking sections.
Before things could get too hot, the hostess came over and told us to cool it because customers were complaining. We’d have to stop, or we’d have to leave. Insulted by what was clearly an antigay demand (It was Friday night, and the restaurant was packed with straight couples doing pretty much the same thing), we chose door number two, the exit.
As a gay black man, I’ve learned to grit my teeth and deal with discrimination. Meanwhile, as a gay black man, I’ve learned to determine when I’m being treated a certain way because of my race and/or sexual orientation and when it’s because I’m living in the real world where people won’t always give me service with a smile.
This week’s viral video star Chris Donohoe clearly hasn’t learned that lesson.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Related: Man in speedo cries homophobia after being asked to leave pool for violating “no speedo” policy
It all started when the management at Wynn Las Vegas asked Donohoe to leave the pool because his skimpy yellow swimming briefs broke the hotel’s “no-Speedos” dress code. Donohoe was quick to play the gay card. Apparently, in his mind, skimpy yellow swimming briefs, which the hotel decided were Speedos, are as gay as Grindr, and banning them in a dress code is blatantly homophobic.
Donohoe made a stink. He posted a since-deleted video to Facebook where he challenged the hotel’s policy and eventually received both an apology and an invitation to wear whatever he wants to at the Wynn’s pool in the future, as the hotel also ended its “no-Speedo” policy.
One great step for gay mankind? Well, not quite.
In his anger over his treatment at the Wynn’s pool, Donohoe suggested he’s not quite the gay Rosa Parks he seems to think he is when he said: “I’m a white guy and I have power in society and I still feel completely powerless.”
Um, what?
Is he actually embracing white privilege while suggesting that it would have been OK or less shocking for the Wynn to have tossed a gay black man wearing a speedo from the pool because black guys have less power in society than white guys? For someone claiming to be fighting for minority rights, it was probably the most entitled tone-deaf thing he could have said as a member of a majority.
Hey, Chris, call us when the U.S. Supreme Court upholds a baker’s refusal to make your wedding cake on the grounds of his antigay religious beliefs. Or when you experience treatment that actually has serious ramifications for gay men everywhere and not just one whose feelings are hurt because a deluxe Vegas resort didn’t (initially) bend its rules for a powerful white guy.
I gather this white guy with power in society isn’t too concerned with discrimination that lands outside of his personal bubble and clearly doesn’t know what real powerlessness is. He probably doesn’t know what it feels like to be denied housing because of the color of his skin, or to be accused of shoplifting by a store security guard because of the color of his skin, or to be banned from a childhood friend’s birthday party because of the color of his skin. (Yes, that’s all happened to me.)
These are the pressing offenses that people who are not white and do not have power in society have to live with every day in the United States. Being asked to leave a swimming pool because of what we’re wearing is the least of the problems we might face over the course of a lifetime. But Donohoe is white and powerful. How dare anyone challenge or inconvenience him?
Donohoe’s comment echoes the one Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, a woman from Bluffton, South Carolina, recently made when the police pulled her over. Among the reasons the 33-year-old gave the officer for why he shouldn’t arrest her for reckless driving and DUI: She made good grades in school. She was a cheerleader. She was in a sorority. And this gem: “I’m a white, clean girl.”
Given the epidemic of police brutality against blacks in the United States, this wasn’t the wisest or most effective thing to say (and it also indicates that this deluded “white, clean girl” needs to stop living in the past). The cop booked Cutshaw.
Comments like hers and Donohoe’s not only underscore the reality of white privilege, but they show that some white people aren’t above actively using it to their advantage. They not only benefit from it, but they also feel entitled to it.
With that one sentence buried in all his hollow talk about justice for all, Donohoe revealed that he is more interested in his own rights than gay rights, in making his life better, not improving things for anyone else. Sadly, it’s an attitude I encounter all too frequently in the gay community.
We clamor for gay rights, demanding that we be treated as fairly as everyone else, yet many of us don’t bestow that same respect upon other targets of discrimination within our own group. Racial minorities, people who are overweight, and guys who aren’t masculine enough or young enough are constantly treated like second-class gay citizens by people who should know better.
By acknowledging his “power in society,” Donohoe was also acknowledging the supremacy and the power of white men. The Wynn wasn’t just refusing to allow a gay man a spot at its pool. They were denying a gay white man.
I’ve been denied entry into places in the past because I wasn’t dressed up to their standards. Those incidents annoyed me, but not as much as the interrupted kiss on the stoop in that West Village restaurant in the early ’90s. The hostess’s offensive demand was clearly fueled by our sexual orientation. The others may or may not have been.
Donohoe no doubt would make them all about his being gay. He might protest: “But I’m white. I’m powerful.” Behind his righteous indignation would be certainty that because of his racial status, the world doesn’t just owe him equality. It owes him everything.
Related: Man who cried homophobia after being kicked out of pool has history of making such accusations
Donston
Why do some keep expecting wise, reasonable, well thought out comments from obviously self-obsessed, histrionic people is the bigger question. Just because some of them happen to be a minority or “oppressed”? Stop expecting so much from people. And I’m also pretty sure Chris is aware of his “white privilege”. Being aware of that is pretty much the backbone of his comments.
MaxTaste
I don’t care for the drawstring.
Herman75
Wynn ended their “no speedo policy” thanks to Chris D. So he is sort of a white and pretty boy, gay Rosa Parks. 😉 Don’t give up the fight Chris. I think you should be able to wear your thong at that pool. Let’s see you pretty white gay tukus. It’s your privilege.
Kieran
How is a racist screed like this helpful to the community? How does dividing the community based on skin color advance the gay agenda? It doesn’t. It only divides us. It’s rather tiresome to hear professional victims like Jeremy continually whining on about “white privilege”. Less than 2 years after a black man held the highest office in the land (President) for 8 years, the whole “white privilege” canard rings awfully hollow.
jkb
And you just did an amazing job proving his point by minimizing it. Bravo.
kiriakis1
You seriously need a wake up call if you think having a black man as president changed anything in any significant way as far as racism is concerned. You’re not the one who faces the things people like Jeremy and myself face every day. And from the tone and content of your post I would hasten to say you re every bit as racist as the people who openly discriminate against us.
aaparker
You are exactly the reason why these conversations still need to happen. This has got to be one of the more tone deaf comments I’ve seen in awhile.
Kieran
@aaparker And tone deaf liberals like you are exactly why we’ve got President Trump and a Republican majority Senate and Congress. The American people are no longer buying the PC bullsh*t and race baiting of the left.
Heywood Jablowme
Aw, poor Kieran, did we hurt your feewings? You guys are so easily hurt. Almost like snowflakes, lol.
aaparker
No, Kieran. We have Trump because of a concerted Russian effort utilizing propaganda juxtaposed with fundamentalists, wealthy white people, and racists. It was not “tone deaf liberals”. And it’s not “race-baiting” to point out systemic racism.
PinkoOfTheGange
There was no written policy against swim briefs…that was made up on the spot to get this horribly self obsessed dude out of the area because he choose to call them on it, loudly.
Even if there was, they can’t selectively enforce a rule based on the amount the patron loses on the gaming floor. So one EU businessman whale in a brief at the pool on a security tape destroys the “policy”.
And this isn’t white privilege it is just old fashion histrionics.
rikard_pearson
what a brilliant point. we know discrimination as gay white men. we understand how it feels, yet most of the time we fumble the chance to really empathize with people who have different experiences with discrimination.
KevInSD
Is there some way we can arrange to send the effeminate speedo guy and the self-worshiping race martyr who wrote this piece on a long vacation somewhere far away? They deserve each other.
Paco
That was off putting when he said that his power as a white male was being denied.
I guess his next target will be wearing a sheer metallic tank top at a restaurant that requires dinner jackets for male guests and claiming homophobia because women aren’t required to wear dinner jackets too.
GetOffMyInternets
Jeremy, if all white people are so privileged and yet so awful, how come they’re the only race you choose to bone?
drelocks15
Maybe you should read the article again. BUT this time…the class would like you to actually READ IT, instead of getting all hot and bothered about being a white guy with privilege (poor you!). He DID NOT say that ALL white people are awful (however, you probably are the exception). He took exception to a particular white person acknowledging that he has power but still felt helpless simply because he was asked to leave for a wearing a f*cking speedo, you sanctimonious little queen.
Baldheadfaggot
Exactly!!!!
GetOffMyInternets
Awww lol hey Jeremy!
GetOffMyInternets
You obviously haven’t read the copious amount of writing from him throughout time, but total props on immediately tagging me as white. Maybe the class would like YOU to reference Sh*t before YOU go off. Feel better after your tantrum, b*tch? Congrats on using big words :)~
GetOffMyInternets
Still…keep trying to guess my race in your conclusion.
russdog
He doesn’t say all white people are privileged and awful. That seems to be your conclusion from what you read. Not the same thing. He quotes the man who was kicked out of the pool area about his own expected privilege. Who the writer sleeps with is irrelevant, as is your race. Jeremy is commenting based on the facts of this particular situation. Whatever inference you drew from the article you have to square with your own personal issues.
GetOffMyInternets
Russdog for the SECOND time, I simply asked a question that may not have directly had something to do with what has been written here. He’s written dozens of posts that go on and on about white privilege, privilege this and that which is interesting he brings race into this particular story which is about a fuc*ing speedo. It’s the usual inserting of himself into an issue and slamming white people, yet he’s admittedly not attracted to his own race but is attracted to the very race that despises him…and we always have to hear about it. That’s all I was asking that’s all I was saying, so no I didn’t jump to any conclusion. Sit down boo, you aren’t involved,
GetOffMyInternets
And speedo guy is a fuc*king tool for saying what he did, don’t get me wrong. But what many of us in the comments have said before, is how he tends to make a situation all about him, and we get a very very long post (like this) where it is basically cut and paste. It’s why many roll their eyes when he posts, because people get lectured by a man who almost comes across not believing his own self, and the insecurity comes through. The writer should be proud of how far he’s come in the world, his accomplishments, and as someone who isn’t Caucasian, I too have also had my experiences. Jeremy comes across as needing a therapist and not a column at times, and blasts white people for not being attracted to him.
russdog
Already sitting down, thanks.
I’m able to discern one issue from another. I can separate information from baggage. I simply read the article. I don’t know the guy who wrote it, nor am I familiar with his previous postings, it doesn’t matter to me. I just wanted to read about the pool story – which, by the way is not just about a Speedo. The whole point of the story turns on this man’s admitted sense of entitlement based on being white. This is an angle not covered is elsewhere. It’s of interest and worth talking about. I saw nothing here as a slam against white people. If you did, well, your experience is your own.
And I choose to involve myself because this a public forum and I can speak freely. You don’t have to like it.
GetOffMyInternets
Russdog. Apply the last sentence to yourself and lecture someone else whomreally cares what you have to say. My comment was directed at the writer, and you not liking the context isn’t my problem. So if I’m addressing him in the context that I was and you felt the need to chime in, go for it. Some of us happen to seriously get sick of a self loathing black man who’s imferiority complex comes through in the multitudes of articles he writes where rather than actually pleading his case, comes across as literal whining about people of the race he covets, as he basically despises his own race. It gets old. Not my problem if you missed the context of what I said and I really don’t need to explain it to you again as you seem to not get it…and I’m not the only one who has voiced this. So find someone else to banter with, you’re a bore.
bigrawtop
It’s too bad that a successful protest and justifed protest is scarred by one statement key made that was and poor judgement. I think there’s so many people are trying to find something wrong with what he did because they think it was petty cuz it was about swimsuits and because he’s a little stereotypical. But it’s time that we stand up for our sexuality as much as we stand up for our orientation.
bigrawtop
It was the drama queens who started the gay rights movement
StraightnNarrow
You logic about drama queens is so flawed that it is laughable. Just because a few crazy drag queens started a protest in NY four decades ago doesn’t justify the insane behaviors of a white queeny attention whore. If he had acted a little more masculine, the outcome would have been different and more positive.
QueerTruth
That doesn’t make any sense. 🙂
inbama
Actually, it was a very respectable and brave German in 1867 by the name of Karl Heinrich Ulrichs.
Lacuevaman
No!
Lacuevaman
its arguable that Mr. Karl Heinrich Ulrichs was transgender, not homosexual.
Black Pegasus
Oh lawd… another Jeremy article moaning about the bigoted white men he so desperately desires to be with.
Baldheadfaggot
Exactly!
OrchidIslander
Coming from any other writer, this article could perhaps be a teachable moment giving insight into how members of distinct groups deal with and consider racism, privilege and homophobia. However, I always read a Jeremy piece through a filter (his) based on a self-loathing black man whose personal value rises and falls based on his acceptance or rejection of white gay men.
OrchidIslander
Correction: “……falls based on his acceptance or rejection BY white gay men.
Dammit!
RobtheElder
I have been waiting for signals that white folks (and I am one of these) are more directly feeling the pinch of becoming a minority race in the U.S. I think this issue of the tiny yellow suit being ejected from a pool is a beginning. Chris Donohoe, a tan fellow (counts as white, I think) was asked to leave a pool that has a rule against Speedos, because he must be gay because his yellow suit is too skimpy. At least he thinks the pool employees are thinking that. He claims homophobia. Ultimately, because he’s white, he forces the pool to accept his suit (perhaps he had no other) (he certainly had no other at that moment, and it was also certain that the pool people wouldn’t like him taking it off and going starkers) (besides, then he wouldn’t be happy, because his naked self would confirm that he is gay) (It’s true, only gays can be happy naked when everyone else has a suit, especially a fit, good looking gay). Ultimately, because he insisted, the pool also dropped their rule against Speedos. If he keeps insisting, they’ll probably make the pool suit optional. I guess being white still has its prerogatives, and I haven’t found my first case of white fear. Sorry public! I would have liked seeing Chris Donohoe starkers. Wish I’d been right… RobtheElder
DCguy
This article seems odd. The comment he made was obviously stating that inspite of institutional White Privilege his being LGBT was knocking that out. It didn’t seem that difficult to understand.
The author also saying that because he ignored anti-LGBT bigotry everybody else should seems very damaging.
All I know is the Wynn backtracked and changed their policy. That to me says there was an issue and they had to do damage control. If there wasn’t an issue a massive corporation isn’t going to freak out like that. If it had nothing to do with the guy being gay it seems like they wouldn’t have responded in such a way.
Lastly, the article hops around to multiple topics, it seems so intent on going after this guy that the author is bouncing around desperately to find some reason to do this.
Rock-N-RollHS
I hate the term white privilege because it generalizes. Most people benefit from some sort of privilege but like most terms that originate with academia these days and from the left is that it ignores class issues.
Nonetheless, I think it’s better to focus on the prejudices that people, like the author, face, such as racism, homophobia, and, yes, classism, as those can be addressed.
Lacuevaman
I sure hope he is a grower… bey perhaps not. maybe that explains his problems. I’ve never met a man with a little dick that was comfortable with himself….
Wolfie
Jeremy. Its not all about you.
ShowMeGuy
I think the author missed the point while in a hurry to crank out an article before submission deadline.
Curtispsf
I, for one, applaud the author of this article for pointing out that MANY gay men conveniently forget what it’s like to be oppressed and are all to willing to adopt the role of oppressor when it comes to marginalized communities. I am a Caucasian guy and not too many years ago, I was going into a bar with an Asian friend when the doorman said “Sorry, no Asians allowed”. And this occurred in gay mecca San Francisco. I also saw discriminatory policies of double or triple ID required for African American patrons.
I am also very much aware of my “white privilege” which generally means that I am less likely to be shot by a police officer during a traffic stop or arrested for marijuana possession (when such laws used to be enforced). I have NO issue with someone calling out someone else for using the “race card” as this Speedo clad guy did. If Rosa Parks were alive today, she would be telling Chris Donohoe, “Gurl….you don’t know sh*t about discrimination because your white arse gets you served lunch at the counter and the front seats on the bus”. Which is not to say, that members of the LGBTQ community don’t experience prejudice and discrimination. But screaming homophobia over your right to wear a prohibited skimpy bathing just doesn’t measure up…in MY book.